overheard

Yesterday I got Overheard in New York by S. Morgan Friedman and Michael Malice in the mail. I just finished it and I definitely plan on recommending it to everyone. It's hilarious. Below are some of the conversations I laughed at.

Man #1: So did you get the golden ticket?

Man #2: The what?

Man #1: The golden ticket to the chocolate factory, did you get it?

Man #2: What?

Man #1: Anal! Did you hit her up the butt?

Man #2: Oh! Ha-ha... yeah, finally.

Girl: If your cat has kittens, can I name one of them Chairman Meow?

Guy: If my cat has kittens, I'm going to put them in a plastic garbage bag and fling them into the river.

Girl: That's not very gentlemanly. 

High school boy #1: So anyway, I told my mom that I'm going to get my eyebrow pierced when I graduate.

High school boy #2: Oh yeah? And what did she say?

High school boy #1: She told me that if I got it pierced, she'd grab me by the eyebrow ring and swing me around the room until my face ripped off.

A son is moving a table into the back of the truck.

Mom: Be careful not to bend the legs when you push it in.

Son: That's what she said.

Mom: What?

Woman #1: You blew that smoke right in my face!

Woman #2: I don't control the wind, bitch!

Guy #1: ...And he just kept chewing and chewing. Man, I felt so bad.

Guy #2: Dude, why did you give a Twizzler to a giraffe?

If you want, you can check out the Overheard in New York website. Looks like they'll even email you the ten best quotes of the week if you sign up for their mailing list. ;)