the girl with the dragon tattoo

I just got home from watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I haven't read the book but now I kind of want to even though Chelsi says it doesn't amount to anything until about 300 pages in. Have any of you read the book and then watched the movie? What are your thoughts about the American film adaptation? (There's also this Swedish version, if you didn't know).
The reason I'm blogging about it is because there was a part in the film that really struck me. At one point, Lisbeth (Rooney Mara) is handcuffed to a bed and then raped. Now, I've seen a lot of movies that have rape scenes in them. But I've never been impacted by a scene so much before. I straight up started crying when she took a shower afterward and revealed that her body was covered in bruises. All I could think about was my mom.
For those of you who don't know, my mom was raped by someone she knew in high school. That's how I came to be. I've never known my father and I have absolutely no desire to. My mother was raped by a guy she had dated once while his friends held her down. While Lisbeth was screaming and thrashing about trying to prevent this guy from raping her, all I could think was, "Is this how it was with my mom?" Did she really suffer through something so awful as this? The scene was so hard to watch and left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach that I have even now, hours later.
I could go on, but I'm going to spare you guys. Don't let this prevent you from watching the movie, because it's definitely worth seeing. It just fucked with me a little more than the rest of the audience. 

paul kim's legacy

Does anyone remember that time I created Paul Kim on Sims game? But then he died? Well I haven't stopped playing his family. My current household consists of two grandchildren (Rosalia and Aurora) and a great-grandchild (Davina, Rosalia's adopted daughter).  What, that's confusing? It's a good thing I drew up a family tree then, isn't it!?!??!

This is Rosalia. She's super smokin' hot just like her mother. She just fulfilled her lifetime wish of becoming an International Super Spy (level 10 of the Special Agent branch of Law Enforcement). ;)

This is Aurora, who has also fulfilled her lifetime wish of maxing out her painting and writing skills.

Aaaaand Davina. She's a Stylist. I thought it'd be entertaining to go along the professions route again (Paul Kim was a ghosthunter and it was oceans of fun) but stylist is a boring profession. I have to give people new haircuts and wardrobes and as easy as it sounds, people are annoyingly picky in Riverview. >:(

Oh. This is Rosalia. Part of her job required her to find out information on other town residents and then report in on them. Normally I'd make her interview people at the park but she prefers digging in the neighbors' garbage cans in the dead of night.

Every so often she'll peek up out of the trashcan and look around to make sure she hasn't been caught (she's been arrested for this before, heheheh). It's cute cause she gets this pissed off look before she dives back into the trash.

I CAN'T HELP MY LOVE OF THE SIMS, GUYS. Just... shut up. Do not judge me. coughchelsicoughcough...

everything happens for a reason

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."   
                   — Marilyn Monroe

Last night I asked Chelsi and Michael when they plan to start trying again for a child. I was reminded that this time last year they were announcing her pregnancy to their families and if things hadn't happened the way they did, we probably wouldn't know each other. If Chelsi had stayed pregnant, they wouldn't have thrown the drumline party at their house in February where the three of us met for the first time. I would have never met up with them at the Holi Festival. I wouldn't know that the Star of India exists cause I would have missed out on that meal. I wouldn't have had a place to stay this summer when Paul and I were fighting. I wouldn't know Kelby or the Harris brothers or any of my other Ogden friends. I wouldn't have spent my first Christmas away from my family with Michael and Chelsi, or the day after with the Barnard family watching Young Frankenstein.

It's so weird to think of how different your life could be if you had made different decisions along the way. Imagine if I hadn't gone to New York during my senior year. I probably wouldn't be living in Utah right now. I'd either be going to NCMC in Trenton or to Mizzou with Scott and Christian. Or what if I hadn't lived in the dorms my first year of college. I never would have met the people I know now and have grown to love. It's a definite mind-fuck. It made me appreciate the people I have in my life now. I honestly don't know what I'd do without some of you.

emotions

I've been especially emotional lately...

I checked my mail as I was on my way to Forever 21 last week and saw I had a package from my grandma. I couldn't wait to open it so, sitting in my car, I tore into the package. She'd sent me all of my favorite easy-to-make foods, my favorite holiday candies, and the stocking that Santa had left for me every year for as long as I can remember. As I lifted that stocking out of the box, I lost it. I started bawling. I sat in my car crying to myself for probably a good 10-15 minutes. I was filled with so much love for my grandma. But I also felt terribly guilty. This is the first Christmas I've ever spent away from my family and as hard as it was for me, I can't even imagine how my parents felt. I stayed in Salt Lake for winter break to save my parents some money and the trouble of driving to Kansas City and back multiple times, but I also stayed for myself. I didn't want to be bored and trapped in Trenton. My selfishness came back to bite me though, since I've been bored and trapped in my room for the majority of break.

...but I've managed to be pretty emotionless at the same time.

My Ogden friends (excluding Chelsi and Michael) have been really unfriendly lately. One friend thinks I'm out to get all of her ex-boyfriends, so she and multiple other friends have turned against me. That's cool. Then all of the other people we normally hang out with here seem to have forgotten that I exist. Also cool. At first all of this was upsetting. But I've gotten to a point where I couldn't give two shits about their drama. You guys want to be angry at me for nothing? Cool, go right ahead. You don't want to be friends over this shit you're stirring? Your loss. I'm an awesome friend to those who an effort in.

the temple!

Back: Caitlin, me, Chelsi, Michael, Jason. 

Front: Mitch, Kristin, Saul.

I went to the Temple again this year to look at the fancy shmancy Christmas lights. I quite enjoyed myself since I actually got to look at the lights this year... Heh heh heh. Remember that time Stuart and I went to see the lights but he chose drinking over walking to my dorm so by the time we got to the temple all the lights were off and it was basically the worst date ever? Yeaaahhh... I wish I didn't.

Ahem. Anyway, enjoy some pictures of my friends being awesome and stuff!

 Chelsi & Jason, Adam & Eve.

Jason: "Asians!" Michael: "STEVE HOLT!"

Chelsi and Michael also got their picture taken with Jesus. If we're Facebook friends, you might recall seeing a picture of me and Corinne with Jesus last year...

 Now compare it to Michael and Chelsi's picture...

WHOA. HOW EERIE IS THAT!? IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME PICTURE!

just kidding, sorry, I'm really tired and I think this is funny but I have a feeling I'm the only one....

I might go again in the next week since I have nothing better to do. Plus I want to run into some missionaries who don't live at the dorms and make them tell me the word of God. kbye.

december depression

I seem to have come down with a bout of December Depression. Basically it's this idea that Skipper has about why he always gets depressed in December. It's not quite winter, the weather is real gross and it's just, you know, the worst. I don't know. He's told me about it multiple times but I always seem to tune out cause I never believed in it... UNTIL NOW.

I found it really hard to leave my room until Wednesday. That means I was stuck in my apartment for four days... watching How I Met Your Mother... crying in the shower... and being overall pathetic. On both Monday and Tuesday I told myself I should get up, get ready, Trax down to the library, and then sit at Starbucks all day reading my newly acquired book. But I couldn't do it for some reason. Instead, I'd get in the shower and stay there for a good 40-60 minutes. I wasn't even productive. I'd stand under the water with my head against the wall either chipping my fingernail polish off or just... standing there... Then I'd get out, throw on the same pajamas I wore the day before, and then watch an entire season of HIMYM and be asleep by 9:30. Seriously. It was bad. Finally I made myself leave though. On Wednesday.

What better depression-killer is there than shopping!? I went to the Gateway, popped in to all of my favorite stores, and somehow managed to only spend $70! Whoa!

Forever21: Black cami, Speckled Pointelle Top, Boxy Colorblock Top; Victoria's Secret: Lounge Bralettes.

This morning my good friend Natalie asked me to come visit her at work in Park City. She went off to California for the fall semester to help out with Invisible Children and just got back a week or so ago. At first I was really pumped to see her and then stop by the Outlets and pick up some gifts for my family. But then I remembered the Outlets in Branson had the Disney store, not Park City. So I decided not to go. BUT THEN I remembered how terrible I felt Sunday-Wednesday when all I did was sit on my bed watching Netflix, so I ended up going. :P

Natalie works at this super cute shop called Dolly's Bookstore, where the owner lets her two cats run around and be loved on by strangers. They were seriously so fluffy and soft and amazing and made me miss Kanye (he's living in Ogden for the moment). I bought a couple of PC postcards and a book, loved on Nat and the cats, and then walked up and down Main Street for a bit. AND GUESS WHAT I HAPPENED UPON, GUYS!

WHAT? BANKSY IN PARK SHITTY? NO WAY, RIGHT? Yes way. I heard about him tagging a few places in PC when he was here for Sundance but I thought the policia had removed all of it. 

I did end up going to the Outlets after visiting with Natalie. I bought a shirt, 2 cardigans and a hoodie from American Eagle; lots of soap and lotion from Bath and Body Works; and cookie sheets, a spatula, knives, tongs, and some dish towels from Kitchen Collection. Pretty stoked about my haul, not gonna lie. :)

because I can

1. Who’s the last person you talked to about sex? 
Rose.
2. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? 
Yep. After Seth wrecked his truck, a police officer gave us a ride to the Olive Garden.
3. Are you stubborn? 
Extremely.
4. If you took a drug test right now, would you pass? 
Indeed I would.
5. Who was the last person to be on a bed with you? 
Chelsi and I sat on a bed in the map room together last night. If that doesn't count... Kelby, Chelsi, Amy and Casey. We laid together on Amy's bed during Casey's graduation party.
6. Do you tend to hold a grudge? 
I do. I'm an ass that way.
7. Who is the last person that pissed you off? 
My kids today at work, especially Jonah and Waisaile.
8. What's something that bothers you about girls? 
How possessive and two-faced we all tend to be. 
9. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you? 
Skipper... is a man.
10. Who sits behind you in your math class? 
I'm not taking a math class, plus I never interact with people in my classes so even if I was I wouldn't know their name.
11. Where is the biggest scar on your body? 
My left knee. It has a scar that looks like | | because I fell on our heated grate thing on the floor when I was younger. I also have criss-crossed scars on the bottoms of my feet because I ran across that grate while it was on and it burnt me.
12. Have you ever been told you were amazing? 
Oh so many times. ;)
13. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? 
I don't think I could. 
14. When was the last time you fought with your parents? 
I have no idea. My parents and I never fight. 
15. What was the last alcoholic beverage you drank? 
I had a bunch of Coors last night.
16. What would your last name be if you married the last person you texted?
Archibald.
17. Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
I do. I want to be liked and never understand when people don't like me when they don't know me. I mean, I'd completely understand their dislike if they hung around me a few times and I did something inappropriate or whateva, but for no reason? I can't understand that.
18. Who was the last person to play with your hair? 
I think Skipper petted my head last Wednesday before the power went out at Chelsi's.. Does that count?
19. Do you get along with girls? 
Hah. Sometimes. ;)
20. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? 
I like to think that Chelsi loves me, yeah.
21. Who was the last person you kissed on the cheek? 
Kelby.
22. Who are your last 4 texts from?
Chelsi, Skipper, Josue, Nick.
23. Who was the last girl you talked to? 
Chelsi.
24. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? 
I think this would be more appropriate if it asked, "Do you know anyone who doesn't drink a lot?"
25. Would you ever get plastic surgery? 
I'm too poor... but no, I wouldn't. Everything that's wrong with my body can be fixed without surgery.
26. Do you speak any other languages other than English? 
French... kind of.
27. What was the last lie you told your mother?
I told her this morning that I would mail her all of my doctors bills today... whoops.
28. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone?
I used to call the cops on my neighbors in Missouri when they were throwing parties. 
29. What was the last compliment you received? 
All of my co-workers complimented my artistry today after they saw my finished project from yesterday.
30. Have you talked to a bitch today? 
Err, I don't think so...?
31. Are your parents divorced? 
My mother has never been married.
32. Have you had sex today? 
Nope.
33. Do you judge​ people you don’​t know?​ 
Of course I do.
34. Are you a bad influ​ence?​ 
Of course I am. I swear, I drink illegally, I've smoked pot more times than I can remember, I don't know how to maintain friendships... I'm not a good person to look up to.
35. Is there anyone that’s in love with you right now? 
I highly doubt it.
36. Would you ever live with any of your best friends? 
I lived with Chelsi this summer and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. We somehow didn't hate each other by the time I moved out, which is usually what happens when you live in close quarters with friends (coughcoughcorinnecough).
37. How many people in your life have you kissed?
Oh god, do I really have to count them all? Right now I can list off 31 but I feel like I've forgotten some of my drunk make-out seshes from my frat times.
38. Are you photogenic? 
Never.
39. Does anyone know a really deep and dark secret about you?
A few people.
40. Do you use birth control pills? 
Yessir.
41. When was the last time you went to a funeral? 
My great-grandma's... 2 1/2 years ago? My mom was pregnant but she was still with Aaron... so whenever that was.
42. Has one of your boyfriends best friends ever tried to get with you? 
Haha, well I dated Mitch after Stu and they're bestie pals, so I guess?
43. What do you receive the most compliments on? 
Either my eyes or my hair. People say my eyes are pretty but a lot of people comment on my always-changing hair colors/cuts.
44. Do you currently owe anyone money? 
USBank.
45. Would you ever marry anyone for their money? 
If I was desperate and they were about to die.
46. Do you usually have a lot of drama in your life?
Always.
47. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? 
Tie between Ryan Gosling and George Clooney.
48. How old is the last person you kissed on the lips?
I have no idea how old Jared is. 20-something.
49. Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? 
Probably.
50. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? 
Since I only pecked Jared because drunk!Kelby wouldn't let me leave Amy's kitchen until I did, I would say so, yes.
51. What’s one thing you don’t like about yourself? 
How large my forehead is. More like eighthead, am I right?! 
52. Have you told anyone that you missed them lately? 
Multiple people. My mom and Nick, Holly, Rose, Chelsi...


Sorry guys, I really thought this would be fun to do. (it wasn't)

can't stop won't stop

My dream boy needs to be able to play guitar and sing Circa songs to me when I'm feeling down. Bonus points if he owns the same bass as Nick in the Soundcloud session videos. swoon.

30 day drawing challenge

If you're following Paul Kim's blog, you probably saw him post this picture yesterday:

Well. Because I was bored and I didn't want to start studying for my finals this week I decided to do this challenge too! Too, what? I've participated in a challenge before? Oh you bet your ass I have. If you've been following my blog long enough, you might remember the 30 day challenge I started on January 1st of this year. I rocked it.

Now prepare to be amazed by my drawing skills...

Just for laughs... here's a picture of the final drawing next to my first drawing, haahaha:

I think day 2 is pretty good. All of the other cats I drew looked like shit, but I think I managed to capture Kanye's beauty as he rests upon my books and hoodies. ;)

Haha. You can click on this link to my tumblr to watch my progress over the next month. It should be fun.

Oh, forgot to mention.... this is my 200th blog post! Oh yeah. Awesome. kbye.

marriage woes

Growing up, my mom drilled it into my head that I didn't need a man or marriage to make me happy. I'd be just fine if I chose not to get settled down. Until moving to Utah, I believed that would be the situation. I'd date around but never commit to anything serious. While I was dating Mitch, I was constantly being surrounded by happy marriages. Mitch's parents. Chelsi and Michael. Bill and April. Jared and Emily. Being around these happy couples made me realize that maybe marriage isn't all that bad. Maybe I could get married someday. Ever since, I've been on the prowl. Which is totally weird, cause I'm only 19 and not Mormon. I shouldn't be trying to find someone to settle down with this early. But a huge part of me is sick of all the sluttiness I've been associated with.

Sigh.
Someone find me a nice, cute Mormon boy who will love me and support me. I'll even convert so we can get married in the temple. <3

Anthony Green appreciation post

I'm surprised that I haven't been flipping shit all over this thang about Anthony Green's upcoming album and tour. The day tickets went on sale I was in Missouri and I seriously lost it. I was in such a panic that I tried ordering tickets several times before I realized it kept declining me because they weren't on sale for another 3 hours. I'll be seeing him on February 17th and I'm soooo excited. It's been too long. I haven't seen Circa since the week I moved to the SLC. I got pressured into going to Moab on the night that they were here last. :(

On his website, he's been doing an advent calendar of Beautiful Things-related goodies. He has also been taking requests lately for songs to cover. I peed a little when he covered Fleet Foxes's Someone You'd Admire.

You should definitely click through to the calendar and watch day 8's video of the song Blood Song. I love it and I'd include it here but the embedding code and Blogger refuse to cooperate.. so click through. I promise it's worth the extra couple of seconds. ;)

The video for Blood Song is on youtube:

Also, for some added luls:

The first time I met Anthony, 2007.

The last time I got to hang out with him, August 2010.

honesty is always the best policy... except for when it isn't.

I'm a firm believer in being honest with those you love. As much as I enjoy lying for the sake of being funny, I really would prefer not to lie to my friends. If you have a bat in the cave or something lodged in between your teeth, I'll let you know. If your ass looks fat in dem jeans, I'll let you know. I'll also clue you in if the party you're hosting absolutely sucks.

On Friday night, I drove up to Ogden for a party that Amy was throwing. Amy doesn't allow underage drinking in her house but I thought, "eh not a big deal, I'll just get wasted tomorrow night at Mark's party." So Saturday rolls around and everyone starts canceling... Gentry, Megan, Amy and Casey, Chelsi and Michael... But I just spent a shit load of money perfecting my Rugrats' Angelica costume so I'm not going to turn back now. It's nearly 10 when I pull up to Colby and Mark's, but when I walk in... Colby's alone and watching a documentary on RUSH. The party was supposed to have started at 8. So I'm like, "okay, this fucking sucks," and plant myself on the couch next to him. Eventually a nice little crowd of people showed up - Jared, Josh, Skipper, Kelby, Nick, Chelsi, Michael - and the party started. Things were good for a while but then I think people got bored of dancing to shitty 90's music, so what do the hosts do? Pull out the acoustic guitar. Colby, Mark and Skipper arranged themselves around the dining table and started singing.... which is when the rest of the party moved outside to smoke.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love a good acoustic sing-along now and then. But at a 90s pop culture themed dance party? I don't think its appropriate. It also doesn't help when the singers think it wise to harmonize but don't do it properly... Anyway. The people on the porch had become thoroughly bored, annoyed, and hungry so we did what any bored, annoyed, hungry mob would do: we left. Here's where that first paragraph about honesty starts to tie in.

Everyone decided it would be best to just bail without saying goodbye. The Harris brothers and Colby were so wrapped up in their music making that they wouldn't even notice. But when I walked back inside to grab my bag, Mark asked me if I was leaving. And I lied. "No, we're just going to grab some food." As I was walking back outside, I felt like absolute shit. I knew this was the wrong thing to do. These are our friends who graciously invited us over and let us have a drunk dance party in their living room, and we're leaving without saying goodbye like a big sack of dicks.

We ended up going over to Jared's apartment to eat and resume partying. I still felt really shitty and that feeling only increased when Mark started texting me. Things started off okay. He asked if we had good food timez and I replied that Michael made us special ramen at Jared's, so yes. Then he said "Sorry that our party sucked" and I couldn't think of a good way to respond without lying. Chelsi wanted me to not respond or say we were waiting on our check to leave a food place... but I couldn't do that since he knew we were at Jared's. So I decided to be honest.

Everything I replied from "Guess so!" down was written in a joking manner. Or at least that's how I imagined it when I was writing it. If Mark and I had been face-to-face and I'd said "Guess so!" it would have been with a smirk and a shrug. Then I didn't want to reply to his sad emoticon with another sad emoticon, so I thought it would be cute/funny to make a sad mustached man. Oh boy, was I wrong. He said, "So this is a joke to you then. Cool." and I replied something along the lines of "Hey, I'm only trying to not make you want to kill yourself." ....also said in a joking manner in my head. Once again my humor was not noticed and he got offended and said, "Wow alright, and I thought we were becoming friends." I was tired and done talking to him, so like your average pussy I apologized and bailed...

Looks like I won't be responding to drunk texts while I'm sober anymore.

design*sponge.... i'm famous!

Design*Sponge finally got around to creating a post focusing on the Salt Lake book signing. 

When Corinne and I were getting our picture taken with the fancy SLC backdrop, I asked the photographer where we'd be able to check out all of the pictures. He said they'd be on Facebook and Design*Sponge, to which I replied, "So I'm going to be famous?" And what would ya know, look at that! They used the picture of us in their little collaboration of pictures to open up the post. I am famous!

and so cute too. :)