everything happens for a reason

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."   
                   — Marilyn Monroe

Last night I asked Chelsi and Michael when they plan to start trying again for a child. I was reminded that this time last year they were announcing her pregnancy to their families and if things hadn't happened the way they did, we probably wouldn't know each other. If Chelsi had stayed pregnant, they wouldn't have thrown the drumline party at their house in February where the three of us met for the first time. I would have never met up with them at the Holi Festival. I wouldn't know that the Star of India exists cause I would have missed out on that meal. I wouldn't have had a place to stay this summer when Paul and I were fighting. I wouldn't know Kelby or the Harris brothers or any of my other Ogden friends. I wouldn't have spent my first Christmas away from my family with Michael and Chelsi, or the day after with the Barnard family watching Young Frankenstein.

It's so weird to think of how different your life could be if you had made different decisions along the way. Imagine if I hadn't gone to New York during my senior year. I probably wouldn't be living in Utah right now. I'd either be going to NCMC in Trenton or to Mizzou with Scott and Christian. Or what if I hadn't lived in the dorms my first year of college. I never would have met the people I know now and have grown to love. It's a definite mind-fuck. It made me appreciate the people I have in my life now. I honestly don't know what I'd do without some of you.

I spit 26 feet, what did you do today!?

I've spent every weekend during the last month that I've been back in Ogden with Mitch, Chelsi and Michael. I feel like I have nothing to blog about. All we do is drink and watch True Blood...

 I guess Mitch and I also entertained ourselves one day by going to the Dinousaur Park...

 ...where we met the Flintstones.

This past weekend, Chelsi and Mitch forced me to go camping with their family. I thought it would be totes awkward since its supposed to be a family outing and I'm always intruding on their family togetherness, but it was pretty fun.

Chelsi and I bailed from the camping adventure to participate in a 24 hour hunger strike called "Starving for Education." The goal of the strike was to raise $2,500 for a non-profit organization called Nurture the Creative Mind, to help renovate a building they were just recently donated. Before we went to the strike, Chelsi and I stopped by Home Depot to buy stakes and zip ties for the buttload of signs we made and Chelsi (being the good samaritan she is) rode an older woman's cart back into the store. Bahahaha.

 "Every child is an artist." -Pablo Picasso.

"Any healthy man can go without food for two days - but not without poetry." -Charles Baudelaire.

MORE CHELSI QUOTES:

      "I'm okay with you shitting on my pillow but I don't want you walking in while I shit."

      "Don't make a steak out of shit."

      "How dare you! I'm gonna tell Michael and he's gonna shit on your face!"

      "It smells like someone took a shit in here... Did you make those wings again!?"

I like how every quote is related to shit.... innnteresting.

i hate when you have to gag down that...you know.

I've been putting off blogging because I don't do anything worthwhile. Ever. Seriously. My life is so boring, but here's a ridiculously brief update on what I've been doing lately.

06/30: Field trip to the Clark Planetarium! We watched Born to Be Wild 3D at the IMAX and then had lunch by the fountains. The kids were told to be careful not to get soaked but of course that meant they should stand directly over the fountains, right?

06/30-07/04: Stayed in Ogden with Chelsi and Michael. The first night, we played Monster Cards again. Shown here are "The sweet scent of your mom's rotting placenta and gasoline on your dad's morning wood;" "Zombie octopi with gonorrhea tentacles giving Mitch the ol' reacharound;" and "Jesus Christ laughing hysterically at a homeless bum doing heroin in his anus."

Quotes from Independence weekend!

Chelsi: Imagine Merv with dicks as eyes.

Someone: Oh I totally can.

Chelsi: They're erect, totally erect!

Chelsi: Any time Merv is involved its hysterical

Michael(?): Plus he has dick eyes!

Chelsi: Beerwithamustache.com

Me: That beer would sell.

Chelsi: Just imagine all the hipsters buying it!

Chelsi: I love when R2 does that. It's like he shits his pants, ejaculates, and then pukes on himself. And then he sneezes and cries at the same time.

Mitch (about Hagrid's parents): How does that work, a wizard and a giant?

Chelsi: ....magic.

Chelsi: You had girls rubbing your crotch and making out with your ears?

Chelsi: I'll tell you, if I was an elder I would masturbate all the time and never tell my bishop.

(If you can't already tell, I think Chelsi is HILARIOUS! Everything she says cracks me up)

07/05: Paul and I had a small, lame party in our apartment. Stuart claimed to be drunk off of one beer and one shot, got the drunkchies, and then passed out.. only to be dry humped and cuddled by Mitch. Awkward.

 07/05-07/11: This little girl Lah Le Paw and her sister Htoo Htoo have been making me a ton of rings, necklaces, bracelets and crowns out of flowers during recess. It's so freaking cute.

07/09: It's very likely that Mitch acquired mono... so on Saturday, I (being the lovely little saint that I am!) drove all the way to Ogden to spend a relaxing day with him. We finished Star Wars episode I, watched part of HP2, and then saw Cars 2 with his family. At the theatre they had a Wonka vending machine! It was $3 for two tiny scoops of candy but still! A Wonka vending machine! How cool is that!

07/11: Paul and I went to multiple 7-11's after I got home from work but EVERY SINGLE ONE WE WENT TO WAS OUT OF FREE SLURPEE CUPS. It was so sad. I've never had a Slurpee before and I was really looking forward to this day. :( But our day improved just a bit when we got home and our black neighbors were willing to communicate with us through the walls again.

pizza and vodka and pizza and vodka...

 New wheatpasting on a Smith's dumpster.

 A lovely set-up at Barnes and Noble.

 Paul and I went to Chipotle where we became friends with this dog tied up next to us.

 My first ever Chiptole burrito. I didn't even eat half of it, it was so filling.

 Paul bought a 3DS so now all he does is play Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time.

 I cleaned out Paul's car on the way to Sandy to watch X-Men: First Class. He had multiple hotdog boxes that only had tiny chunks of bun left that I mistook for breadsticks. lawl.

 Mustaches we got from Best Buy. Paul refused to buy one for me but two came out.

 We made fried chicken for dinner one night and it looked SO perfect.

 Then Paul burnt 4 pieces and it turned out that all of the chicken we made was undercooked. So we went to IHOP for dinner. hah.

 Yesterday we had Wingers for lunch...

 They put popcorn on our table and it was mostly what we ate cause it took an hour to get our food out and it was cold and gross.

 Chelsi and Merv.. so freaking cute.

Boring captions, oh well. Listing out what I've done since my arrival in SLC was even worse. 

Last night, I hung out with Mitch, his sister Chelsi and her husband Michael. After Chelsi started getting drunk, she was saying the funniest things, such as:

"With hip cat's clothes on.. He was the dick's tits."

"That's why we have to keep him inside, literally a butterfly could beat him up."

"Guys, a fucking teepee. I don't think anyone gets it!"

"Please have available a smile upon arrival."

"Please have available one chief from any tribe of Idaho."

"Teepees unite. Teepees, not peepees."

"We just reserved a teepee for 4 nights and we can't afford a wedding gift."

We reserved a teepee in Idaho for the end of July... lolyaydrunkendecisions. Now, please enjoy this video of the honey badger:

dave and buster's

Earlier in the week, Rosie Toes and I made dinner for my family. We made broccoli bites and sesame breaded chicken.

It was delicious.

At some point we also went to El Nopal. It was also very tasty. The queso was much better than Qdoba's.

Last night, Rose, Scott and I went to Dave and Buster's in Kansas City for Brinton's birthday party. It was my first time going to any type of arcade where you got tickets and prizes. I had such a blast. We ended up winning 931 tickets, which bought us 2 vodka shooters, 3 finger traps, and a "crazy cup" that Rose chose over a candy corn colored slinky.

As we were eating, I could not stop laughing at the things Brinton's friend Jeff was saying. Par exemple:

"Shit's disgusting what I can do with these fingers. I make Jesus nervous!"

It probably doesn't look very funny in writing. But trust me, it was. 

As we were leaving Legends, Scott thought it would be fun to slide down the railings..

hi werner!

Welcome to my blog, Wernbot.

*raucous laughter, loud applause, general excitement*

So we're in the process of making a habit out of coming to the 814 lounge and having study parties with Wernbot & Co. It's happened a whole whopping two times now. I've thoroughly enjoyed each one though. Especially the one we had tonight. Corinne and I spent the majority of the time Skyping each other from different sides of the table.. Nothing new or out of the ordinary there. Oh, it's also been decided that any time one of us wants to have a guy back to the dorm for some alone time, all we have to do is say that there should be a study party that night in 814. I'm pumped to test this new saying out. ;) ij. I'm not being a filthy person anymore.

Did you see that? IJ is the new JK. "I Jest." "Just Kidding." You choose which one sounds cooler. IJ is definitely going to be the winner.

I'm trying to think of something really exciting that I did this week but I'm blanking.. Besides going to class, working, and studying it up at 814, I don't think anything has happened. I guess I'll just share some more quotes that feature the infamous Werner.

Quotes featuring Werner
"I'm really in tune with my feminine side." - Craig
"Is it your right or left side?" - Werner

"Did you date people in high school?" - Corinne
"Just men." - Werner

"We use telekinetic waves and this is my receiver." - Werner

"You should be jealous of what these eyes have seen." - Werner

i suck at updating

Friday

Interview. Success. Got a job. "Extended day group leader." $9.50/hr. 20 hours a week. Redfest. Mates of State, Ben Lee, Fun. Party at The Keep (Nick, Andrew, Anthony, Sarge, and Tim's house). My first ever pot brownie. Got really high. Drank a lot too. Went to Kappa Sig. Had another "friendly greeting" with one of the brothers. 

Saturday

No idea how I spent the day. Went to a party at Kappa Sig that night though. Ate more of my brownie. Drank way too much. Very drunk and high. Another "friendly greeting" with the bro from Friday on some washing machines. Ended the night in a very classy style. Puked. Left the frat wearing some random guy's clothes. Tripped on the sidewalk. Basically died.

Sunday

No hangover. Puked too much the night before. Didn't want to chance it. Stayed in bed until 6 pm. Did four loads of laundry. Washed and changed my sheets. Cleaned my room. Got rid of a lot of food and trash. Studied hardcore for French and Math.

Monday

Quiz in Math. ACED it, surprisingly. Orientation for the new job. Film class. Watched On the Waterfront. Terrible movie. Hopefully next week we watch something that doesn't suck for once. Walked back to the dorms with Pat. :) 

Tuesday and Wednesday

Can't remember anything exciting happening. Went to work. Easiest job ever. Basically all I do is help with snacks and homework, do an enriching activity with the kids, then supervise while they do math on the computers. I love it.

Thursday

I stayed up so late Wednesday night studying for the French quiz we were supposed to take Thursday morning. It turned out to be a take-home quiz. -_- Went to work right after class. Had dinner with Pat, Werner, Corinne, Emily, and Joe at 6:26 exactly.. haha. Finished what was left of my brownie. Went biking/running around Liberty Park with Corinne. She ran and I biked. It was cute. Harassed her into buying me a roast beef sandwich from Arby's. Seriously the most heavenly sandwich I've ever eaten. MMMM. Orgasms in my mouth and eyes. Came back home, very high. Sat on my bed and created haikus out of my thoughts.. Weird, I know. 

Quotes from Thursday:

"It's not as classy as Utah.. I'm all about the classy." - Werner

"They were just trippin' on acid and moving their beds around." - Werner

"Yeah dude, my best friend got tased." - Werner

"We were floating down the Rio Grande in an inflatable swimming pool." - Pat

"I was so drunk and so dehydrated." - Pat

"I just want to lay across the back of the couch and touch you." - Me to Corinne

"You know, if I had to choose between getting a roast beef sandwich and getting a surgery..." - Me

"...You'd get a sandwich?" - Corinne

"No! Not a disc read error!" - Corinne

"A discreet error? How can an error be discreet?" - Me

"I apologize for my laugh right now.. I feel like I was barking at you. Was I barking at you!?" - Me

"Is that from TFLN or did you just get a text that said that?" - Corinne

"I'm asking you a serious question! Was I barking at you!?" - Me

Friday

Left math early.. All we were doing was reviewing for the midterm on Monday. It was seriously lame. Some people in my class may need to review what venn diagrams are but I do not. Ugh. Went with Corinne to pick up her mom and sister from the airport. Went to lunch with them at Einstein Bros Bagels and had my first ever bagel. Actually got 3 for the price of 1. Asked for a chocolate chip bagel with plain cream cheese.. Got a chocolate chip bagel and a plain bagel, no cream cheese. So they hooked me up with a second chocolate chip one covered in cream cheese. Yuck. Not a bagel or cream cheese fan apparently. Also went to Deseret Industries Thrift and Decades with their fam. Came back home, had dinner with Emily, then headed over to 813 with Werner and Scott to watch Forrest Gump and pregame for the Homecoming dance. Had a good amount of Bacardi. The guys left for the dance and Emily and I came back to our room, where I watched YouTube videos and laid on the floor. Had an intense craving for the Pie. After Corinne got back from Park City with her family, we headed down on the shuttle. I had a slice of pepperoni pizza and Emily bought a pan of Cinna-stix. Some guy came and sat with us because apparently he's in a metal band and the rest of the band he was eating with were shunning him because he was wearing a plaid shirt, not a metal shirt. He sat with us for a really long time. So long that eventually the rest of the band joined our table. Finally got them to leave so we could leave too. Walked to Trax and got stopped by another guy, this time drunk and just leaving the Homecoming dance. His name was Stanley and he was trying so hard to get Corinne to come home with him. It was hilarious.

Quotes from Friday:

"I wish my kids were superheroes." - Me

"Anti-social behavior there, Babe." - Corinne's mom about using the Jeep to drive over a curb in the Union parking lot instead of reversing

"Life's the most depressing thing ever, but I have satellite TV so I have HBO." - Stanley

"Mike's a jerk.. I heard his grandpa's a Nazi.. Blue hair, blonde eyes." - Stanley

"What's her name?" - Stanley's friend about Corinne

"Stanley's.. woman." - Stanley

"Isn't it all the same?" Bass player at the Pie about Dayquil and Nyquil

"No, this is orange." - Emily

"Have you been to the big FedEx in Kansas City?" - Bass player at the Pie

quotes

College is providing me with some pretty funny quotes, something that excites me to no end. Back in Trenton, I was constantly tweeting and saving into my notepad funny things that were said around/to me. Here are some funny things I've collected since college started:

"I'm a looker and you're a toucher." - Corinne to me.

"No.. Sam.. Corner. Stop touching people." - Me, about myself

"Do you know the word for that?" - Ryan
"Duflex." - Nick
"...Diphthong." - Ryan

"Do you know where my tortillas are?" - Ryan
"Check under my roast beef." - Anthony

"If I could sing I would go to church." - Girl on shuttle

"...You'd only attend church if you could sing?" - Boy on shuttle

"Yes." - Girl on shuttle

"You're an awful person." - Boy on shuttle

"Where's the seatbelt thing?" - Me

"Oh, sorry the pancakes are blocking it." - Jeff

kinting

We went camping last night! Or as Rose would say, we set up our tamp and went kinting! ;) It was so sicky gnar, let me tell you! Emily, Rose, Derek, Jessie, and Zack were present and we had suuuuch a blast making potatoes, caramelized apples, and eating P-Hut pizza. We also had some very yummy drinks and introduced ourselves as the Crystal Panthers to our very kind neighbors, who were nice enough to help us make a fire.

Here are some extremely funny quotes from last night:

"I'm so like bed right now." - Emily

"Derek! Derek!" - Rose

"Shh man, we have neighbors!" - Me

"I bet the neighbors know your name." - Rose

"I could do this in just about a snap." - Zach 

"And a couple of cracks and about fifty pops." - Jessie

"So let's say you, Sam, Jessie, Zack, and I are all toes." - Rose

"I'd say you're on some crazy shit, who's your dealer?" - Jessie

Today, Rose and I set off around 8:30 for Chillicothe to buy her a cell phone. What time is it now, 3:12 pm? I just got home and all we did was buy that phone. We had to return to Trenton twice to get her social security card and more money, and we traveled all over Chillicothe looking for food and comparing the deals at AT&T and Verizon. She settled on a blue Samsung Reality from Verizon. It's pretty nice, although I was partial to the Motorola Backflip at AT&T. I think she settled for Verizon only because it was cheaper. She has absolutely no credit, so she'd have to pay $500 to AT&T to get a phone, while Verizon would only charge her $400. Plus, she'll build like twenty bucks in interest at Verizon, so! She is now going to become a text messaging machine and I am very excited. <:D (excited face)