In my last post I think I mentioned wanting to kill myself, being sad, hating life, whatever. I've always been the kind of person to joke about killing myself (i.e., driving my car into the Salt Lake) because I have a terrible sense of humor and somehow those jokes were able to make me laugh.
I've actually tried killing myself a couple different times. Both were in high school when I couldn't handle the stress of classes and having no friends. Y'know when I'm talking about. Senior year after all of my friends ditched me and I would sit alone in the corner of yearbook class and cry behind my iMac. Neither attempt worked and I know it was because I was too selfish to actually do the job. Even though I hated myself and wanted to die I had thoughts like, "Why should I be the one to die? They're the fucks who are ruining my life. They should be killing themselves." Typical angsty thoughts of a teenager whose favorite band used to be MCR. Anyway. Didn't kill myself.
Fast forward to 2012. I have no idea what I'm doing in school. Honestly, I find it to be a waste of time. I'm drinking a lot. I'm doing drugs. My skin looks like shit. I've gained fifteen pounds. Looking in the mirror becomes unbearable because I literally cannot stand myself. I'm filled with hate. Killing myself is on my mind every day.
If you saw me during the summer I doubt you would've guessed at my mindset. I pretended to be happy. And even when I was sad or not in a good mood, there's no way you could've known that I was trying to think of the best way to die.
Fast forward to the fall. I'm pregnant. I'm heartbroken. I have an STD. Every day on the way to work I consider driving my car into oncoming traffic. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I'm not looking to kill other people.
Last week Emmett, Molly, and I were drinking and talking about life. Rape came up. Terrible thoughts filled my head. As Emmett was leaving the bathroom to go to bed I asked him, "If I'm constantly thinking about killing myself, should I see someone?" and broke into tears. Emmett and I ended up talking for a couple of hours in which time I had an emotional breakdown and cried nonstop. Afterward I texted my mom and told her I probably needed to see a therapist. Her reply: "Why? Are you depressed?" I explained the situation. She got it. "I knew something had to be wrong. Your kids being dicks has never bothered you before."
This probably seems jumbled and dumb and I'm sorry you chose to read it. But I found a bunch of doctors in the SLC area to talk to. I've scheduled appointments. Hopefully I can get my shit together.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
a look back at 2012
I've been meaning to blog for a while now. Unfortunately, everything I've wanted to get off my chest has been extremely personal and I feared your judgment. Now it's a month into 2013 and I keep thinking, "why not?" A lot of people already know anyway, why not put it on the Internet for everyone to read? Brace yourself for a recap of my life in 2012.
I saw a ton of great bands, including but not limited to: Anthony Green, Typhoon (twice!), Wiz Khalifa, The Shins, Bon Iver, Nas, Band of Horses, Austra, Iron & Wine, M. Ward, Common, Aloe Blacc, Circa Survive, The Xx, A$AP Rocky, and Freelance Whales. There were a bunch of awesome movies that came out in 2012 but the only ones I remember off the top of my head are Les Mis (which I watched 3 times in two weeks) and The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman. Sundance was fun but we never met any famous people. I met Ryan Reynolds but that's unrelated to Sundance. I sold him a humidifier, that's all. 8)
In November, just before Thanksgiving, I started working at a company called Brookstone. If you're unfamiliar, it's a place that sells everything you want but will never have a need for. Par exemple, Bluetooth everything (speakers, keyboards, headphones), "back" massagers (vibrators), luggage, memory foam pillows, HDMI projectors, $3000 massage chairs, and remote control helicopters. It's great if you have lots of money to blow. I myself have bought a number of things... a Bluetooth speaker, screen cleaners, a wine bottle opener, an RC copter, a pen with a fan on the end... Yeah. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I really enjoy it and I love my coworkers. It doesn't pay as much per hour as Riley but during the Christmas season I was working a solid 40-50 hours a week and making bank. So that was nice.
Speaking of Riley, I put my two weeks in a few days ago. My last day is the 15th and as sad as it's going to be to leave my kids, I'm really excited. I've been there for two and a half years now and it's finally lost all of its appeal. I've put up with verbal abuse from 10-year-olds for too long. Being called fat and ugly every day is something I can no longer endure. So I'm quitting to work at Brookstone full-time.
Spring semester went alright. I was fully motivated until the end, when my thoughts were filled with depression and killing myself. I passed but my GPA was no longer in the 3's. I took classes during the summer to bring it back up and although I aced everything and got a 3.8, my GPA stayed at the high end of the 2's. Fall semester started out excellent. I was staying caught up on my reading and studying, passing every quiz and paper thrown my way. Then shit hit the fan and my life took a turn for the worse.
I got pregnant. Two years of sleeping around and hooking up with any guy who gave me the time of day finally caught up with me. My period was ten days late when I found out. It was kind of funny (in a fucked-up kind of way) because we were coming back from a camping trip out on the Great Salt Lake and I kept making pregnancy jokes. I'd had sex in our tent again (second time that summer) and once again didn't use a condom. When I was telling Molly I remember saying something along the lines of "Well, if I'm already pregnant, it's not like I can get knocked up again, right?" One week and 3 pregnancy tests later, I was kicking myself in the ass for making those jokes. I was pregnant. Molly came home to find me sobbing at the kitchen table, not knowing what to do. She and I both agreed that I was too young, poor, and invested in school to go through with a pregnancy. Even having a baby and giving it up for adoption was too much to handle. So I called my mom to break the news to her. Even though she is very much pro-life (she had me in high school just after turning 18), she agreed that an abortion was the way to go. So the next day I attended a counseling session and set up the appointment. September 22. The dreaded day.
If you don't want to read about the pain associated with that day (even though I make it sound like a blast!), skip forward a few paragraphs. If you're down to hear how abortions work, continue on, solider.
Basically there are two types to choose from: surgical and medical. Surgical involves a needle putting your hoohah to sleep so a doctor can take a vacuum and suck the pregnant out of your baby-holdin' parts. It's extremely painful but quick. You're in and out in just a few minutes. Perfect for a lady in a hurry. Medical, on the other hand, is a do-it-yourself procedure. You go in, take a pill at the office, and then you're sent on your way with a packet containing four more pills and two prescriptions for anti-nausea and anti-pain medicine. Also quick but your night will be occupied. So you go about your day – crying, watching netflix, more crying – then comes the time to go to bed. You strap on the fattest maxi-pad you can find, take your meds, and then hang out for 15 minutes. Then comes the fun part. Remember the 4 pills the doctor gave you? You get to shove those – wait for it – into your vagina! Yeah! Way up there! Then you go to sleep and your life is back to normal!
Except not. Two hours later, you're gonna wake up in more pain than your 20-year-old self has ever experienced. So much pain that standing up makes you almost black out. I had to call Molly and have her bring me water and medicine. When she walked into my room she found me curled into a tight ball, crying and moaning in agony. She got the pleasure of laying with me until the meds kicked in and I was so doped up the pain was nothing more than a dull throbbing, making it possible for me to fall asleep again.
Day 2 of your hasty abortion will consist of not much more than changing your bloody diapers and wondering which little blood clot contained the possibility of life. You'll cry. Walking will be unnpleasant. But at least you can make mashed potatoes without throwing up in the process! (True story, the throwing up. I had INTENSE morning sickness whilst pregnant. Mashed potatoes became unbearable to even look at after a morning spent puking them up). Days 3 and 4 will look similar to Day 2, but with less crying. It's over now. You can press play on life again.
That is, until you see your baby-daddy at a party a few months later. It's fine. You're making popcorn and Easy Mac in the kitchen with the guys. Then they leave and it's just the two of you. He's heard that you're dating a girl. He wonders if it's because of him. It's obviously a joke but you start crying anyway. You tell him everything and he doesn't believe you and he's pissed. "Why didn't you tell me?" comes up a lot. Maybe because "I'll text you" was something he didn't follow through on. Maybe because it doesn't involve him? It's wasn't his decision to make? He says things like "we should talk," maybe "get some coffee." He'll text you. (He doesn't text you).
So you're pregnant and depressed and then you're not pregnant anymore but you're still depressed. You stop getting to work on time. You stop participating in class. Literally stop. Don't turn in assignments, don't study for midterms, don't even show up to any of your finals. You fail three out of four classes. You only manage to pass one class because you've had this professor several times now and he listens and understands and let's you have a do-over.
Oh, and guess what. Remember that girl you were dating? She not only plays you like a cute little ginger fiddle, but she also gives you chlamydia. What the FUCK, right? You've just had an abortion, you're a walking failure, and now you've got an STD to top off your shit sundae. Life is grand. What a great year.
Well, now it's 2013. The shit sundae has melted. I'm feeling a lot better about life. I've been really moody the last couple of days because I've had a few different people hop off my friends train, but I'm getting over it. I've discovered Barnes and Noble is like a safe haven for me. If I'm ever feeling shitty I go there and drop a fifty and instantly feel better. I set a goal to read 50 book this year and I'm already 6 books in. That's 12% of my goal omgggG! You can view this goal and my progress on Goodreads, if you're into that. ;)
Anyway. Enough complaining from me. I only updated this now cause I'm procrastinating finishing my anatomy exam.
Farewell, friends.
I saw a ton of great bands, including but not limited to: Anthony Green, Typhoon (twice!), Wiz Khalifa, The Shins, Bon Iver, Nas, Band of Horses, Austra, Iron & Wine, M. Ward, Common, Aloe Blacc, Circa Survive, The Xx, A$AP Rocky, and Freelance Whales. There were a bunch of awesome movies that came out in 2012 but the only ones I remember off the top of my head are Les Mis (which I watched 3 times in two weeks) and The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman. Sundance was fun but we never met any famous people. I met Ryan Reynolds but that's unrelated to Sundance. I sold him a humidifier, that's all. 8)
In November, just before Thanksgiving, I started working at a company called Brookstone. If you're unfamiliar, it's a place that sells everything you want but will never have a need for. Par exemple, Bluetooth everything (speakers, keyboards, headphones), "back" massagers (vibrators), luggage, memory foam pillows, HDMI projectors, $3000 massage chairs, and remote control helicopters. It's great if you have lots of money to blow. I myself have bought a number of things... a Bluetooth speaker, screen cleaners, a wine bottle opener, an RC copter, a pen with a fan on the end... Yeah. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I really enjoy it and I love my coworkers. It doesn't pay as much per hour as Riley but during the Christmas season I was working a solid 40-50 hours a week and making bank. So that was nice.
Speaking of Riley, I put my two weeks in a few days ago. My last day is the 15th and as sad as it's going to be to leave my kids, I'm really excited. I've been there for two and a half years now and it's finally lost all of its appeal. I've put up with verbal abuse from 10-year-olds for too long. Being called fat and ugly every day is something I can no longer endure. So I'm quitting to work at Brookstone full-time.
Spring semester went alright. I was fully motivated until the end, when my thoughts were filled with depression and killing myself. I passed but my GPA was no longer in the 3's. I took classes during the summer to bring it back up and although I aced everything and got a 3.8, my GPA stayed at the high end of the 2's. Fall semester started out excellent. I was staying caught up on my reading and studying, passing every quiz and paper thrown my way. Then shit hit the fan and my life took a turn for the worse.
I got pregnant. Two years of sleeping around and hooking up with any guy who gave me the time of day finally caught up with me. My period was ten days late when I found out. It was kind of funny (in a fucked-up kind of way) because we were coming back from a camping trip out on the Great Salt Lake and I kept making pregnancy jokes. I'd had sex in our tent again (second time that summer) and once again didn't use a condom. When I was telling Molly I remember saying something along the lines of "Well, if I'm already pregnant, it's not like I can get knocked up again, right?" One week and 3 pregnancy tests later, I was kicking myself in the ass for making those jokes. I was pregnant. Molly came home to find me sobbing at the kitchen table, not knowing what to do. She and I both agreed that I was too young, poor, and invested in school to go through with a pregnancy. Even having a baby and giving it up for adoption was too much to handle. So I called my mom to break the news to her. Even though she is very much pro-life (she had me in high school just after turning 18), she agreed that an abortion was the way to go. So the next day I attended a counseling session and set up the appointment. September 22. The dreaded day.
If you don't want to read about the pain associated with that day (even though I make it sound like a blast!), skip forward a few paragraphs. If you're down to hear how abortions work, continue on, solider.
Basically there are two types to choose from: surgical and medical. Surgical involves a needle putting your hoohah to sleep so a doctor can take a vacuum and suck the pregnant out of your baby-holdin' parts. It's extremely painful but quick. You're in and out in just a few minutes. Perfect for a lady in a hurry. Medical, on the other hand, is a do-it-yourself procedure. You go in, take a pill at the office, and then you're sent on your way with a packet containing four more pills and two prescriptions for anti-nausea and anti-pain medicine. Also quick but your night will be occupied. So you go about your day – crying, watching netflix, more crying – then comes the time to go to bed. You strap on the fattest maxi-pad you can find, take your meds, and then hang out for 15 minutes. Then comes the fun part. Remember the 4 pills the doctor gave you? You get to shove those – wait for it – into your vagina! Yeah! Way up there! Then you go to sleep and your life is back to normal!
Except not. Two hours later, you're gonna wake up in more pain than your 20-year-old self has ever experienced. So much pain that standing up makes you almost black out. I had to call Molly and have her bring me water and medicine. When she walked into my room she found me curled into a tight ball, crying and moaning in agony. She got the pleasure of laying with me until the meds kicked in and I was so doped up the pain was nothing more than a dull throbbing, making it possible for me to fall asleep again.
Day 2 of your hasty abortion will consist of not much more than changing your bloody diapers and wondering which little blood clot contained the possibility of life. You'll cry. Walking will be unnpleasant. But at least you can make mashed potatoes without throwing up in the process! (True story, the throwing up. I had INTENSE morning sickness whilst pregnant. Mashed potatoes became unbearable to even look at after a morning spent puking them up). Days 3 and 4 will look similar to Day 2, but with less crying. It's over now. You can press play on life again.
That is, until you see your baby-daddy at a party a few months later. It's fine. You're making popcorn and Easy Mac in the kitchen with the guys. Then they leave and it's just the two of you. He's heard that you're dating a girl. He wonders if it's because of him. It's obviously a joke but you start crying anyway. You tell him everything and he doesn't believe you and he's pissed. "Why didn't you tell me?" comes up a lot. Maybe because "I'll text you" was something he didn't follow through on. Maybe because it doesn't involve him? It's wasn't his decision to make? He says things like "we should talk," maybe "get some coffee." He'll text you. (He doesn't text you).
So you're pregnant and depressed and then you're not pregnant anymore but you're still depressed. You stop getting to work on time. You stop participating in class. Literally stop. Don't turn in assignments, don't study for midterms, don't even show up to any of your finals. You fail three out of four classes. You only manage to pass one class because you've had this professor several times now and he listens and understands and let's you have a do-over.
Oh, and guess what. Remember that girl you were dating? She not only plays you like a cute little ginger fiddle, but she also gives you chlamydia. What the FUCK, right? You've just had an abortion, you're a walking failure, and now you've got an STD to top off your shit sundae. Life is grand. What a great year.
Well, now it's 2013. The shit sundae has melted. I'm feeling a lot better about life. I've been really moody the last couple of days because I've had a few different people hop off my friends train, but I'm getting over it. I've discovered Barnes and Noble is like a safe haven for me. If I'm ever feeling shitty I go there and drop a fifty and instantly feel better. I set a goal to read 50 book this year and I'm already 6 books in. That's 12% of my goal omgggG! You can view this goal and my progress on Goodreads, if you're into that. ;)
Anyway. Enough complaining from me. I only updated this now cause I'm procrastinating finishing my anatomy exam.
Farewell, friends.
Monday, August 27, 2012
it's been a while
My life, since the last time we spoke:
- I moved into a new house and it's awesome and I love it and I'm happy.
- I've made a lot of new friends.
- I've discovered that a lot of people don't like me.*
- I got my nose pierced. I was blackout and have no recollection but hey, that's what happens when you're living a life fueled by alcoholism.
- I booked a trip to Missouri for 10 days in November. I'm stoked. It might get me fired.
- For three weeks prior to the start of school, I was blackout drunk every single day. Starting school (plus a number of other things) made me realize that I might have a problem.
- I got a new car. If we're friends you already know this. If not, IT'S AWESOME.
- I haven't been sleeping very well. Here, look at the bags under my eyes:
ok bai
p.s.: if you missed my face, you can always view it here. YEAH I STILL USE DAILYBOOTH, sorry if you think i'm conceited idccccc
*People always dislike me (how can they not, I'm a giant asshole), but these people have absolutely no reason to not like me. They simply say that they hate me, with nothing to base it off of. It's chill, whateva.
- I moved into a new house and it's awesome and I love it and I'm happy.
- I've made a lot of new friends.
- I've discovered that a lot of people don't like me.*
- I got my nose pierced. I was blackout and have no recollection but hey, that's what happens when you're living a life fueled by alcoholism.
- I booked a trip to Missouri for 10 days in November. I'm stoked. It might get me fired.
- For three weeks prior to the start of school, I was blackout drunk every single day. Starting school (plus a number of other things) made me realize that I might have a problem.
- I got a new car. If we're friends you already know this. If not, IT'S AWESOME.
- I haven't been sleeping very well. Here, look at the bags under my eyes:
p.s.: if you missed my face, you can always view it here. YEAH I STILL USE DAILYBOOTH, sorry if you think i'm conceited idccccc
*People always dislike me (how can they not, I'm a giant asshole), but these people have absolutely no reason to not like me. They simply say that they hate me, with nothing to base it off of. It's chill, whateva.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
because I FUCKING can
Labels:
I should be sleeping,
Questionnaire
1 comments
1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open. I would close them cause they look nicer that way, but they're impossible to open back up.
2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Sometimes, depending on what brand it is.
3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Tucked in!
4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Absolutely I have. I'm a delinquent.
5:Do you like to use post-it notes?
Like is an understatement.
6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
No. I don't use coupons.
7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
A bear.
8:Do you have freckles?
Oceans.
9:Do you always smile for pictures?
Usually. My face looks unappealing when in poker mode.
10:What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have two bathroom related pet peeves: when someone doesn't change the toilet paper roll when it's empty and when someone steps onto the bathmat without drying their feet off first.
11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
No.
14:Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Occasionally.
15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No, sir.
16:How many people have you slept with this week?
This week? 0.
17:What size is your bed?
Queen.
18:What is your Song of the week?
Re:Stacks by Bon Iver. I don't know why, I've just needed to hear it.
19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
I don't see why not.
20:Do you still watch cartoons?
Duh, of course I do. I'm about to finish the last season of Avatar: The Last Airbender and I'm really sad.
21:Whats your least favorite movie?
Human Centipede Sequence 2.
22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
It wouldn't be hidden if I told, would it?
23:What do you drink with dinner?
Tonight I had white wine, yesterday I had water. It depends on what's available.
24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I don't eat chicken nuggets.
25:What is your favorite food?
Garlic-herb chicken con broccoli.
26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Baby Mama, Juno, Pride and Prejudice, and basically any Johnny Depp movie ever.
28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Yep!
29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
If I had the body. Currently, no.
30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I write letters and notes to Molly all the time.
31:Can you change the oil on a car?
Not by myself.
32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
A couple.
33:Ever ran out of gas?
Twice. Once on the way to high school and the other time on the way to Chili's.
34:Favorite kind of sandwich?
Anything with bacon and wheat bread from Subway.
35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Two petite vanilla bean scones and a venti soy chai from Starbucks.
36:What is your usual bedtime?
Any time between 11pm and 4am unless I have to work in the morning, in which case I usually pass out around 8 or 9pm.
37:Are you lazy?
I wouldn't say I'm lazy, but I'm very prone to procrastination.
38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Cats, rabbits, ghosts, Pikachu.
39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Monkey.
40:How many languages can you speak?
English fluently, French okay-ish, Spanish poorly.
41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
I used to get Cosmo when I lived in Missouri, not anymore though.
42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Legos.
43:Are you stubborn?
Very.
44:Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Letterman.
45:Ever watch soap operas?
Only if my grandma won't let me change the channel when I'm at her house.
46:Are you afraid of heights?
Nope.
47:Do you sing in the car?
Loudly.
48:Do you sing in the shower?
Not usually.
49:Do you dance in the car?
All the time.
50:Ever used a gun?
Nope, nor do I want to.
51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Senior year of high school?
52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?
No way, I love them.
53:Is Christmas stressful?
More like unpleasant. I don't like being at family gatherings.
54:Ever eat a pierogi?
No, ma'am.
55:Favorite type of fruit pie?
Strawberry.
56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
A veterinarian.
57:Do you believe in ghosts?
No.
58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
A few times.
59:Take a vitamin daily?
Nooope.
60:Wear slippers?
No.
61:Wear a bath robe?
No...
62:What do you wear to bed?
Normally a tank top or giant shirt and boxer shorts.
63:First concert?
2005 Vans Warped Tour. I watched My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Hawthorne Heights, and The All-American Rejects.
64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Target.
65:Nike or Adidas?
Nike.
66:Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheetos.
67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Sunflower seeds.
68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
Nope.
69:Ever take dance lessons?
Definitely not.
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Uhhhh, no...
71:Can you curl your tongue?
Hell yeah.
72:Ever won a spelling bee?
Yep! A couple different ones.
73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Absolutely.
74:Own any record albums?
Three.
75:Own a record player?
At my parent's.
76:Regularly burn incense?
Never.
77:Ever been in love?
Once.
78:Who would you like to see in concert?
Fleet Foxes.
79:What was the last concert you saw?
The Shins and Bon Iver. They were on May 28th and 29th, so I consider it a two-day festival for myself.
80:Hot tea or cold tea?
I love both.
81:Tea or coffee?
Tea... but I love coffee, too.
82:Sugar or snickerdoodles?
...I don't understand the question. Cookies? Sugar, I guess. I don't know what a snickerdoodle is.
83:Can you swim well?
Not at all. I can barely keep myself afloat.
84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yes.
85:Are you patient?
When I have to be.
86:DJ or band, at a wedding?
I honestly don't know.
87:Ever won a contest?
I've won a raffle before, if that counts.
88:Ever have plastic surgery?
Nope.
89:Which are better black or green olives?
They're both disgusting.
90:Can you knit or crochet?
Nooope.
91:Best room for a fireplace?
Living room?
92:Do you want to get married?
I don't know yet. Not really.
93:If married, how long have you been married?
~~~ (where is question 94?!?!!)
95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Absolutely not.
96:Do you have kids?
No.
97:Do you want kids?
Eventually, maybe. Only if its a girl though.
98:Whats your favorite color?
Purple.
99:Do you miss anyone right now?
Scott, Christian, Rose... my Missouri babes.
Open. I would close them cause they look nicer that way, but they're impossible to open back up.
2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Sometimes, depending on what brand it is.
3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Tucked in!
4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Absolutely I have. I'm a delinquent.
5:Do you like to use post-it notes?
Like is an understatement.
6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
No. I don't use coupons.
7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
A bear.
8:Do you have freckles?
Oceans.
Usually. My face looks unappealing when in poker mode.
10:What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have two bathroom related pet peeves: when someone doesn't change the toilet paper roll when it's empty and when someone steps onto the bathmat without drying their feet off first.
11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
No.
14:Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Occasionally.
15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No, sir.
16:How many people have you slept with this week?
This week? 0.
17:What size is your bed?
Queen.
18:What is your Song of the week?
Re:Stacks by Bon Iver. I don't know why, I've just needed to hear it.
19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
I don't see why not.
20:Do you still watch cartoons?
Duh, of course I do. I'm about to finish the last season of Avatar: The Last Airbender and I'm really sad.
21:Whats your least favorite movie?
Human Centipede Sequence 2.
22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
It wouldn't be hidden if I told, would it?
23:What do you drink with dinner?
Tonight I had white wine, yesterday I had water. It depends on what's available.
24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I don't eat chicken nuggets.
25:What is your favorite food?
Garlic-herb chicken con broccoli.
26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Baby Mama, Juno, Pride and Prejudice, and basically any Johnny Depp movie ever.
28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Yep!
29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
If I had the body. Currently, no.
30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I write letters and notes to Molly all the time.
31:Can you change the oil on a car?
Not by myself.
32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
A couple.
33:Ever ran out of gas?
Twice. Once on the way to high school and the other time on the way to Chili's.
34:Favorite kind of sandwich?
Anything with bacon and wheat bread from Subway.
35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Two petite vanilla bean scones and a venti soy chai from Starbucks.
36:What is your usual bedtime?
Any time between 11pm and 4am unless I have to work in the morning, in which case I usually pass out around 8 or 9pm.
37:Are you lazy?
I wouldn't say I'm lazy, but I'm very prone to procrastination.
38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Cats, rabbits, ghosts, Pikachu.
39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Monkey.
40:How many languages can you speak?
English fluently, French okay-ish, Spanish poorly.
41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
I used to get Cosmo when I lived in Missouri, not anymore though.
42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Legos.
43:Are you stubborn?
Very.
44:Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Letterman.
45:Ever watch soap operas?
Only if my grandma won't let me change the channel when I'm at her house.
46:Are you afraid of heights?
Nope.
47:Do you sing in the car?
Loudly.
48:Do you sing in the shower?
Not usually.
49:Do you dance in the car?
All the time.
50:Ever used a gun?
Nope, nor do I want to.
51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Senior year of high school?
52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?
No way, I love them.
53:Is Christmas stressful?
More like unpleasant. I don't like being at family gatherings.
54:Ever eat a pierogi?
No, ma'am.
55:Favorite type of fruit pie?
Strawberry.
56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
A veterinarian.
57:Do you believe in ghosts?
No.
58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
A few times.
59:Take a vitamin daily?
Nooope.
60:Wear slippers?
No.
61:Wear a bath robe?
No...
62:What do you wear to bed?
Normally a tank top or giant shirt and boxer shorts.
63:First concert?
2005 Vans Warped Tour. I watched My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Hawthorne Heights, and The All-American Rejects.
64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Target.
65:Nike or Adidas?
Nike.
66:Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheetos.
67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Sunflower seeds.
68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
Nope.
69:Ever take dance lessons?
Definitely not.
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Uhhhh, no...
71:Can you curl your tongue?
Hell yeah.
72:Ever won a spelling bee?
Yep! A couple different ones.
73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Absolutely.
74:Own any record albums?
Three.
75:Own a record player?
At my parent's.
76:Regularly burn incense?
Never.
77:Ever been in love?
Once.
78:Who would you like to see in concert?
Fleet Foxes.
79:What was the last concert you saw?
The Shins and Bon Iver. They were on May 28th and 29th, so I consider it a two-day festival for myself.
80:Hot tea or cold tea?
I love both.
81:Tea or coffee?
Tea... but I love coffee, too.
82:Sugar or snickerdoodles?
...I don't understand the question. Cookies? Sugar, I guess. I don't know what a snickerdoodle is.
83:Can you swim well?
Not at all. I can barely keep myself afloat.
84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yes.
85:Are you patient?
When I have to be.
86:DJ or band, at a wedding?
I honestly don't know.
87:Ever won a contest?
I've won a raffle before, if that counts.
88:Ever have plastic surgery?
Nope.
89:Which are better black or green olives?
They're both disgusting.
90:Can you knit or crochet?
Nooope.
91:Best room for a fireplace?
Living room?
92:Do you want to get married?
I don't know yet. Not really.
93:If married, how long have you been married?
~~~ (where is question 94?!?!!)
95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Absolutely not.
96:Do you have kids?
No.
97:Do you want kids?
Eventually, maybe. Only if its a girl though.
98:Whats your favorite color?
Purple.
99:Do you miss anyone right now?
Scott, Christian, Rose... my Missouri babes.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
#addicted
Labels:
The Sims 3
0
comments
Ugh. Dogs in this game are so freaking cute. It makes me want one. But then I remember how big of a handful Kanye is.
All of the children in my house have aged up. Stephen has the girliest face ever so I'm contemplating making him gay. We'd run into the heir dilemma again though so maybe he'll knock up someone and then find a male lover. We'll see!
Charlie's still a weird idiot. He keeps glitching and getting stuck next to one of the apple trees he loves so much. I used 'moveobjects on' to put him in the bathroom but he complained about how he couldn't get to the toilet (directly in front of him) and then peed himself. Awesome.
I reset his Sim and moved houses so hopefully that will make the glitching stop. I also moved Davina and her kids out because they were getting stuck in floors and pissing me off. Here's the last (and only) glimpse you'll probably see of them.
Davina. She's cute(ish) but worthless.
Saturn and her giant nose.
Neptune, clad in Gryffindor colors. #nerdlyphe
Monday, April 30, 2012
raccoon sighting
Labels:
The Sims 3
0
comments
Meet Simon.
He's BFFs with Rosalia's son Stephen.
Stephen? What? Rosalia had a child? Here, let me show you an updated version of the family tree.
I couldn't bare to lose the hot Kim genes (Davina was the only child and adopted) so I forced Rosalia to marry and birth a beautiful babe before she became an elder. Stephen doesn't look all that cute but I have hope since his mom was a delicious adult...
Anyway... Rosalia's husband is named Charlie (I think?) and he's kind of weird. He loves gardening and got the want to "Watch a Raccoon" the day I moved houses. (Our old house was glitching and people kept falling through the floors).
I didn't think it'd ever happen but a few days ago I was saw one running toward the garbage can.
LOOK AT HOW CUTE IT IS. I immediately canceled all of Charlie's actions and made him watch that raccoon.
He was so filled with joy that he wanted to "Pet a Raccoon."
The raccoon was kind of a dick though because it rejected Charlie's advances.
That's Charlie's offended face.
Monday, April 2, 2012
hp 4 lyfe ~~~
Labels:
Harry Potter
0
comments
I got two new tattoos on Wednesday. :) The one on my shoulder is a quote from the first Harry Potter book. Dumbledore says it to Harry when they're standing at the Mirror of Erised. It's always been one of my favorite quotes from the books. I also got the deathly hallows on the inside of my right wrist. It's the same size and location as the om on my left wrist. It's in the scab stage right now so I don't have a picture to show, but you can see it on my dailybooth in the comments.
I love them. I'm so happy. :)
april shmapril
Labels:
Music
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comments
It's April!
Some SLC homies thought it'd be fun to make a Facebook group where you make a monthly playlist, upload it, and then share it. You can download my playlist here.
Tracklist (not in this order):
01. Codename: Rondo - Ghostland Observatory
02. You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates
03. I Remember (Caspa Remix) - Deadmau5
04. Lights (Bassnectar Remix) - Ellie Goulding
05. Son of Shiva (Instrumental) - MC Yogi
06. Might Like You Better (Vaski Remix) - Amanda Blank
07. Flutter - Bonobo
08. Mileena's Theme - TOKiMONSTA
09. I Wanna Go Back - Onra
10. YES - Bassnectar & Datsik
11. Fucking Boyfriend - The Bird and the Bee
12. Contrails (feat. Tegan Quin) - Astronautalis
13. Collect Call (Adventure Club Dubstep Remix) - Metric
14. Hey Boo Boo! - Danny Breaks
15. Coffee Break - Zed's Dead
16. The Anthem - Onra
17. Pass This On - The Knife
18. O'Sister - City and Colour
19. Bamboo Banga - M.I.A.
20. Alohomora - Pogo
21. Muggle Born - Daedelus
22. The Sickness Unto Death - Typhoon
23. The Shrine / An Argument - Fleet Foxes
24. Holocene - Bon Iver
Some SLC homies thought it'd be fun to make a Facebook group where you make a monthly playlist, upload it, and then share it. You can download my playlist here.
Tracklist (not in this order):
01. Codename: Rondo - Ghostland Observatory
02. You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates
03. I Remember (Caspa Remix) - Deadmau5
04. Lights (Bassnectar Remix) - Ellie Goulding
05. Son of Shiva (Instrumental) - MC Yogi
06. Might Like You Better (Vaski Remix) - Amanda Blank
07. Flutter - Bonobo
08. Mileena's Theme - TOKiMONSTA
09. I Wanna Go Back - Onra
10. YES - Bassnectar & Datsik
11. Fucking Boyfriend - The Bird and the Bee
12. Contrails (feat. Tegan Quin) - Astronautalis
13. Collect Call (Adventure Club Dubstep Remix) - Metric
14. Hey Boo Boo! - Danny Breaks
15. Coffee Break - Zed's Dead
16. The Anthem - Onra
17. Pass This On - The Knife
18. O'Sister - City and Colour
19. Bamboo Banga - M.I.A.
20. Alohomora - Pogo
21. Muggle Born - Daedelus
22. The Sickness Unto Death - Typhoon
23. The Shrine / An Argument - Fleet Foxes
24. Holocene - Bon Iver
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
the sims 3 pets
Labels:
The Sims 3
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comments
After Molly got back from Hawaii we went grocery shopping. We hadn't gone in over 6 weeks and I was down to a package of spaghetti and a bag of frozen corn. We stopped by Target so she could buy lotion for her new tattoo (which is dope, btw) and I could pick up a new Sims 3 EP. I was going to borrow Nick's sister's copy, but I couldn't find any hacks to make it where my mac would believe the disc was still in so I could return it to her. Sooo I bought it. And I love it.
Meet Carl. He's Rosalia's best friend and my favorite.
Here we have Aurora holding Melinda, Carl's mate.
This is Carl and Melinda snuggling. It's seriously the cutest shit ever.
This is Carl watching TV. If he's not sleeping or getting "whacked out" on catnip, this is where I find him.
These screenshots are from the first day I had the expansion. Now Melinda is grown up and she and Carl have a kitten named Fern. The Kim family also has a black pony named Jay-Z. ;) I'll try to take some screenshots the next time I play so y'all can see how awesome the Kim family has become. I know how much you guys enjoy these updates. <3
/
A lot of changes have been taking place in my life.
First of all, I hate the way drinking makes me feel. I've been feeling this way since the beginning of February. I started realizing this on the weekends I spent in Ogden. Every time I traveled up there to party, I was overcome by an extremely shitty feeling. I guess that could be related to the fact that no one from Ogden likes me anymore, but that's a different story. Every time I drink I just get bummed out. I no longer feel the urge to party. We threw a giant ass rager at our house again on Saturday and I was completely sober. I suppose it's a good thing since the cops came. If I hadn't been, I probably would have flipped some serious shit.
Second, it feels like the only people I see or talk to are the ones I live with and my boyfriend. No one else seems to remember/care that I exist. (Starbucks employees do not count).
Lastly, I am completely fed up with going to school and not knowing what I'm doing. It bums me out so much. I hate all of my classes; none of them interest me in the slightest. I haven't been able to find any courses that spark interest or career paths that sound like something I could do. I'm a junior in college with no future. Plus I'm a good $60,000 in debt, so that's awesome. I'm considering taking the fall semester off to work and save up some money to start paying off my loans. My parents are extremely against this plan but seeing as how I live on my own and support myself, I don't think they have a say anymore.
sigh.
If reading that made you as unhappy as I am, here's a picture of Molly sporting easter socks to cheer you up:
First of all, I hate the way drinking makes me feel. I've been feeling this way since the beginning of February. I started realizing this on the weekends I spent in Ogden. Every time I traveled up there to party, I was overcome by an extremely shitty feeling. I guess that could be related to the fact that no one from Ogden likes me anymore, but that's a different story. Every time I drink I just get bummed out. I no longer feel the urge to party. We threw a giant ass rager at our house again on Saturday and I was completely sober. I suppose it's a good thing since the cops came. If I hadn't been, I probably would have flipped some serious shit.
Second, it feels like the only people I see or talk to are the ones I live with and my boyfriend. No one else seems to remember/care that I exist. (Starbucks employees do not count).
Lastly, I am completely fed up with going to school and not knowing what I'm doing. It bums me out so much. I hate all of my classes; none of them interest me in the slightest. I haven't been able to find any courses that spark interest or career paths that sound like something I could do. I'm a junior in college with no future. Plus I'm a good $60,000 in debt, so that's awesome. I'm considering taking the fall semester off to work and save up some money to start paying off my loans. My parents are extremely against this plan but seeing as how I live on my own and support myself, I don't think they have a say anymore.
sigh.
If reading that made you as unhappy as I am, here's a picture of Molly sporting easter socks to cheer you up:
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
things to look forward to in 2012
I'm really excited about 2012.
These first three months have been awesome so far. I moved into a dope house and befriended a girl I want to be around for the rest of my life. I saw Aziz Ansari do stand-up at Wiseguys. Holly flew out from Missouri, we saw Anthony Green, and I did more adventuring in 5 days than I thought possible. Here are some more things to get fucking pumped about:
* March 11 - my 20th birthday! aw yeah
* March 17 - Chelsi's Emerald City party
* March 23 - Typhoon at Kilby Court
* March 24 - my huge rager birthday party AND Holi Festival of Colors!
* March 25 - MAD MEN STARTS UP AGAIN
* April 29 - M83 at In The Venue
* May 28 - The Shins at Red Butte Gardens
* May 29 - Bon Iver at Red Butte
* June 28 - The Avett Brothers & City and Colour at Gallivan Center
These first three months have been awesome so far. I moved into a dope house and befriended a girl I want to be around for the rest of my life. I saw Aziz Ansari do stand-up at Wiseguys. Holly flew out from Missouri, we saw Anthony Green, and I did more adventuring in 5 days than I thought possible. Here are some more things to get fucking pumped about:
* March 11 - my 20th birthday! aw yeah
* March 17 - Chelsi's Emerald City party
* March 23 - Typhoon at Kilby Court
* March 24 - my huge rager birthday party AND Holi Festival of Colors!
* March 25 - MAD MEN STARTS UP AGAIN
* April 29 - M83 at In The Venue
* May 28 - The Shins at Red Butte Gardens
* May 29 - Bon Iver at Red Butte
* June 28 - The Avett Brothers & City and Colour at Gallivan Center
Sunday, February 5, 2012
media
Labels:
Movies,
Music,
Youtube
0
comments
Earlier in the week I went on a date to the Los Campesinos! show at Club Sound. They're not anything that I would normally listen to, but it was a pretty good show. Here's a few songs of theirs.
In unrelated news, James dragged me to see Anonymous at the dollar theatre last week. I've never read anything by Shakespeare and I wasn't aware that there were people who think his works were written by a nobleman, but I really enjoyed the movie. I love all movies and books set in the Elizabethan era. If you haven't seen it yet, go. Do it now.
party central
Labels:
Parties
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comments
oh hey guys, did you miss me?
I haven't really been in the blogging mood. Or in any kind of mood that involves a computer. I've been bored with the internet lately. I deactivated my facebook, took a break from tumblr, and tried not to sit on my computer or phone when I was bored. I've been spending a lot of time watching Netflix documentaries and playing old school video games with my roommate Molly. We've also been getting into Mad Men. So when we're feeling especially homework'd or partied out, we'll plop down in front of the TV and watch Mad Men for 6 hours. hah. Not much better than sitting on the internet but whatever. We're bonding.
I really like living in Diagon Alley. I have four roommates: Alee and Molly upstairs and Jacey and Krysta downstairs with me. Jacey and Krysta are literally never home and the basement is like a dungeon, so I spend most of my time upstairs with Molly. Here, peep the basement:
and then compare it to the main floor:
Molly and I have thrown two parties since I've moved in. The first was really small and chill. We sat around drinking tall boys and playing card games and Twister. This was all we had to clean up when people left:
The second party was the absolute opposite. There were over 100 people here and we probably only knew about 15% of them. Molly and I started drinking at 6pm so by the time people finally started showing up at 10, we were already gone. I have no idea when our house filled to the brim. One second I was letting Craig and Diego and all of their friends in and the next, it was like walking through the front rows of a Twilight concert. It was ridiculous. Early on I took this picture, so imagine this times 12:
I was reallly drunk and a little high so the amount of people in the house tripped me out. I started getting paranoid that we were going to get busted since we live right on 1300 E.... which turned me into an agro bitch. I tried to make people quiet down at first but that was an epic fail. We unplugged the music, turned the lights off, and even had a megaphone but nothing worked. People started chanting "MUSIC! MUSIC! MUSIC!" and kept trying to plug their own music in... Haha. That's when shit got crazy. I started full on screaming at people to shut the fuck up and get the fuck out. We got a group of people together to guard both doors and kick people out who didn't know the owners of the house. I got so violent. I've never hit a person in my life but apparently I was elbowing and shoving people who wouldn't get out of my way and at one point, I punched a girl in the face because she argued with me about coming in. Eventually I gave up and accepted that our party was a success and that I needed to chill the fuck out.
The next morning was probably the worst hangover I've ever had. Molly dragged me to the Village Inn, which was not a good idea at all. I think I spent more time throwing up in the bathroom than with Molly at the table. Then I came home, continued to puke, and wished that I would die already. But Molly wouldn't let me. I had already picked up all of the beer cans and other various shit that people left behind, but we had even more work to do. We had to collect the couch cushions from the front yard, collect our mailbox from the neighbor's yard, and sweep up a beer bottle that someone had so graciously smashed on our front porch. THEN we had to sweep and mop the entire upstairs because the floor was covered in beer.
The best part of clean-up was discovering beers on ledges.
The worst was discovering that the giraffe had been brutally murdered.
Haha. We're throwing another rager in a month or so for my birthday. We've already agreed that we're all gonna be calm (especially me) and let what happens happen. I'm stoked.
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